Fuck Movies – Helen Mirren Should Be a TV Star (and also Black)
Hey Helen!
So many people have been sending me this article from NPR. It lists 20 iconic male movie roles that you would have rocked. I don’t doubt it, but between me and you, I suck at movies. I fall asleep if I watch them at home (and sometimes even when I watch them in the theater – I was out cold by by the second act of Analyze That). So while I’m sure you’d be the bomb as those characters, I can’t really envision your performance because I haven’t seen most of those movies.
What I do know is TV. So, without further ado -
10 Iconic Male Television Roles that you would have KILLED
(if you had a better tan):
Rerun from “What’s Happening”
Stringer Bell from “The Wire”
Dr. Huxtable from “The Cosby Show”
Mr. Eko from “Lost”
Stephen Urkel from “Family Matters”
Lafayette from “True Blood”
Cleveland from “The Cleveland Show”
Eric Foreman from “House”
Lamont Sanford from “Sanford and Son”
Mr Cooper from “Hanging with Mr. Cooper”
So… what do you think? Wanna team up on some remakes?
Love and miss you!
xo
Lisa
Groundhog Day – The Long Version
Hey Helen,
I’ve got this idea swimming around in my head and I wanted to share it with you because, well, you’re so awesome and kind and generous and beautiful. I want to share everything with you! Do you want to be buried together? Too much? Ok… nevermind.
So here’s what is taking up a large portion of my brain these days – Groundhog Day. Not the holiday, the movie. The one with Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell that my mom hates because it frustrates her almost as much as that Mad About You Thanksgiving episode where they drop the turkey out the window. Basic premise in case you haven’t seen it (and it’s ok if you haven’t – I’ve never seen a Godfather movie or Indian Jones), a guy repeats the same day (Groundhog Day, specifically) a bajillion times until he gets it right. (Spoiler Alert! WhenhHe finally does get it right he continues on with his life starting with February 3rd). So for Bill Murray’s character, getting it “right” means, not using lies to get into someone chick’s pants, not stealing money from a Brink’s truck, saving someone’s life, blah blah blah. I think the shitty moral of the story is that once he realizes that he has the opportunity to learn from each repetitive day, he starts using the days to learn more about Andie MacDowell’s character until finally he can be the perfect man for her (because we live in America and the only way we know it’s a happy ending is if two people fall in love. ugh).
Chances are, we – you and me (although, less me than you cuz you’re special and I’m just… Lisa) will never have this opportunity. But… we kinda do, right? So listen, I’m not perfect. I know… I know… I’ll give you a minute to digest. I’m flawed, Helly Belly. I have lied and cheated and stolen. I have made up excuses to not see people or go to work. I’ve snuck into movies without paying and drank the last beer in the fridge, even when it wasn’t mine to drink. But most of my personality flaws are rooted in my avoidance of confrontation. I would rather turn the lights off in my room and pretend I’m not home than talk to my roommates sometimes. I ignore calls from people who I have plans with and have no intention of keeping. I abide by the “fizzle out” method of breaking up relationships, which involves more email and text deleting than talking, explaining and apologizing. And I figure – that’s me! Lisa! You know Lisa – she doesn’t like people. She doesn’t like talking. She’s fierce and self confident and doesn’t need your silly human connection. I could live my life as that Lisa. Every day. And nothing would change. It might not be February 2nd when I wake up, but in the broad sense, it sorta is.
Or… I could use each job, each relationship, each thing that bothers me as an opportunity. I can learn how to get better at avoiding or get better at confronting and fixing. I can learn how to steal money from the Brink’s truck, or learn how to do the Heimlich maneuver (interesting tidbit – I knew how to spell “Heimlich” but not “maneuver”). So now, each time I make plans, I think about if I want to keep them and if I don’t, I’m honest about it. And when I’m dating someone and something doesn’t feel right, I’m more apt to say it than stay home with my phone off watching Closer. And maybe someday I’ll get up the nerves to tell my roommates that I’m annoyed that I’m the only one who picks up the mail. … or not… Anyway, I think it’s a fair point. Maybe one you could pass it along to your less perfect friends. The only way to change the date is to, well, change.
Thanks for listening Hellz. I know I can always be myself around you.
xo
Lisa
The European Vacation That Almost Was… (***A 20SB GUEST POST FROM KEZ!***)
Hey Helen!
Do you know about 20-Something Bloggers? It’s pretty awesome. It’s for people in their 20s. Who blog! And we talk about bloggy things. It’s great. They do this thing every so often – a Blog Swap. And if you are as lucky as I am, you get paired up with an awesome chick from the other side of the world and she writes a post on your blog, and you write one on hers. So Kez, my Awesomely Unprepared blog swap partner wants to write you a letter. It’s really quite sweet. So read it! And if you have time, you should read her blog – Awesomely Unprepared. She writes about life and learning and learning how to love getting thrown off track. She’s gonna be a mamma soon and no matter how unprepared she thinks she is – I have a feeling her and her hubby are going to make for some awesome parents.
xoxo
Lisa
Dear Helen,
Today (the day this guest post is published on this fine blog) is the day that my husband and I would have been up in the air (literally), headed for our European summer experience. It was to be the Contiki tour to end all Contiki tours (well not really – pretty sure they’re doing good business without us). We were going to spend 14 days travelling on a coach, occasionally stopping to cause mayhem and get lost in odd places (because I have no sense of direction and because we might have been intoxicated). It was going to be our reward for all the years we stayed at home (other than the occasional jaunt to Thailand) working hard and keeping a roof above our heads.
We got a fantastic deal at a travel expo and already I could imagine walking around in Rome eating my body weight in carbs. And same goes for Paris. My husband was planning his birthday for Monaco (apparently some boy crap involving cars happens there sometimes?) and I was so looking forward to shopping in London! Man, we would have had the most awesome Facebook photo albums to annoy our friends with! Actually, we would have been able to talk with our friends about that time we went to Rome and about how awesome the dress up parties were and the stuff we’d done that time in Germany (drink beer probably)…we would have understood. We too would have been able to have that smug air about us as we told our less fortunate, less travelled friends about “that time we were up the Eiffel Tower”. We had dreams!
Not long after paying the travel people the entire balance of the trip (they wanted it within 4 days of booking – holy hell), I did this thing where I peed on a little stick? Not just some random stick I found in the park under a tree. A home pregnancy test. I didn’t believe the two little stripes so I raced out to the shops (before my husband had time to blink) and bought another one – surely the first one was broken! When the fancy, expensive digital test flashed *pregnant pregnant pregnant* there was no denying it. We were/are knocked up!
We jumped up and down (well I was gently jumping up and down) with the joy of it all…and then it dawned on us. Would I really be able to fly long haul from Down Under to London in economy at 6 months pregnant? And even if that was quite viable (which I’m told it is), would I be able to get on and off a coach, run around several cities in Europe, and sleep in hostel accommodation (where being in the same room as my husband was not always guaranteed) without killing myself?! Not to mention being surrounded by drunken people, while I padded around the night clubs with my highly inappropriate baby bump! I am sure that you, Helen, would be able to do that whilst wearing a slinky body suit or glamourous ball gown…but me? I’m not that awesome. Just Awesomely Unprepared.
“Oh sorry guys, I’m having a quiet night in at the hostel tonight” I would have said, as I glared at my husband in a “Yes that means you too” way. Party pooper.
So, with heavy hearts we cancelled. Don’t get me wrong, we’re thrilled about the impending arrival into our family…we just missed out on a big rite of passage in between being clueless lovestruck teens and having a mortgage and a marriage! We skipped the Euro trip and went straight to “old” with kids!
Not to mention, I will never have a chance to meet you – something this blog tells me is like the holy grail of meeting people.
This summer we will have a brand new bundle of joy. Christmas will be filled with sunshine, sleep deprivation, vomit and poop (so not that different from usual). We’ll take our new baby boy to the beach for the first time where I will be paranoid about sunburn or sand getting into crazy places. I’ll probably be wearing some kind of caftan with a bathing suit from the 1800s (we’re not all Miranda Kerr you know). There will be breastfeeding, the occasional sneaky cocktail (oh stop judging) and friends everywhere. I will be sleep deprived and running on empty. But it will be fun. And I can’t wait.
I guess you might be able to figure out why my blog is called Awesomely Unprepared.
PS. Sorry that I am no good at photo editing. I guess that’s why I’ll never be your #1 fan. Also, I am not a righteous Dame.
Love Kez.
Vacation Helen!
Hey Helen!
Don’t want to bother you on vacation, although from the looks of all these photos floating around the interweb you already have some unwanted guests nearby. I appreciate how you deal with the papparazzi. I’ve never once heard about you taking a swing at a guy with a camera and you always look so gracious even when a photographer catches you off guard.
I wish I had a similar poise about me. I am no good at hiding my feelings Helly Belly. If I am annoyed that you have come up behind me with a camera when I am getting out of the ocean, you will know it. You will know it because there will be a knee in your crotch and a scowl on my face. I think I used to be better at fake smiling and then once I discovered the laugh lines around my mouth I thought, “well that’s bullshit – I don’t even want to smile at these people”. That said, I do smile an obnoxious amount, but that’s moreso because I’m really proud of my teeth (braces from 2nd to 7th grade will do that to you). Also, I think I look younger when I smile. You do too. Not that you need to look younger. Ugh, there I go putting my foot in mouth again. My perfectly orthodontia-ed mouth.
Alright girl. You get back to your vacay. See you when you return!
xo
Lisa
